There’s been a growing murmur celebrating gals in the last decade. Women are speaking more openly about claiming their rightful place in the societal order. It comes in different forms, echoing similar themes: from choosing the bear to smashing the patriarchy and embracing matriarchal societies again. Women around the planet are gathering and embracing solidarity with each other in a way that seems different from the late 1900s. Galentine’s Day celebrating friendships is a perfect example of this cultural shift.
Women are proudly stepping out and broadcasting to the world the fact that their female friendships deserve a day of celebration just as much as romantic relationships do. This is especially powerful for women after 40 who have been coerced into decentralizing their women friendships for the sake of romance, work, and family where in fact, women’s friendships are just as important and central to a woman’s life as the other aspects.
What Is Galentine’s Day?
Galentine’s Day first appeared on the scene in season two of the show Parks and Recreation on February 11, 2010. Amy Poehler’s character Leslie Knope announces and celebrates the holiday by having breakfast with her besties. Galentine’s Day occurs on February 13 and was created as a counterpoint to Valentine’s Day on February 14. The beauty of Galentine’s Day is that there are no performative rules. You can celebrate it any way and on any day you like.
The Galentine’s Day Appeal: Friendship Looks Different Past 40
Galentine’s Day, a playful, unofficial holiday for celebrating women friendships, takes on special meaning after 40. At this point in life, friendships aren’t just nostalgic throwbacks to college days. They become support systems, safe havens, sources of genuine joy and deep connection. These benefits can be especially critical for women over 40 as hormone shifts begin changing how they buffer life’s stresses.
After 40, estrogen and progesterone begin to decline and fluctuate more unpredictably. These hormones don’t just regulate reproduction; they also play a role in moderating stress responses. Estrogen, in particular, has a buffering effect on cortisol and supports serotonin production. As levels drop, stress can feel sharper, recovery slower, and emotional regulation more effortful. What once rolled off your back may now linger in your body longer.
This makes relational safety and social connection even more physiologically significant in midlife. When hormonal buffering decreases, external buffering matters more.
In this phase of life when romantic partnerships, careers, caregiving, and other responsibilities can become pretty heavy and consuming, dedicating time to celebrate your friends feels more meaningful and needed than ever.
Getting together for Galentine’s Day is about making space for each other in your lives, sharing stories openly, and letting each other recharge. The marketing machine wants to co-opt it and make it about presents, parties, and spending money. But the premise of Galentine’s Day is more about immersing in the soulful connections with the women who get you. The women who see you, accept you, and help ground you in the pride of knowing who you are. It’s a powerful affirmation of the important friendships in your life.
Why Galentine’s Day Matters After 40: What the Research Says
Staying connected with friends doesn’t just feel good; it’s literally good for your physiology. Researchers have found that strong social bonds can help lower stress hormones, reduce inflammation in the body, support a healthy immune system, and lower depression risk. Shelley Taylor’s “tend and befriend” theory out of UCLA suggests that when women face stress, they’re more likely to look after others (tend) and seek connection (befriend) rather than withdraw into “fight or flight.” When connection is fostered, the hormone oxytocin helps dial down the body’s stress responses.
Long studies like the Harvard Study of Adult Development have made it clear that having solid relationships is one of the top predictors of a long, healthy, and happy life. Although women weren’t included in the original cohort, subsequent research strongly suggests the same pattern holds true. When women have solid bonds with other women, researchers have noticed even more benefits, such as better emotional stability, a lower risk of heart issues, and improved mental well-being. Being able to laugh, talk things out, and feel truly understood by friends actually helps your body function better.
Many women in midlife are balancing enormous pressures at work and home, yet having people to relate to and lean on provides a deep sense of belonging. The support of genuine friends often steps up during the most stressful stages, helping women manage personal and family struggles with more resilience. So, building friendships isn’t self-indulgent; it’s a form of self-care that helps keep your nervous system regulated.
Midlife Friendship Dynamics: What Changes and Why
As a Gen Xer, I would say that women in my generation were discouraged from prioritizing their friendship bonds with other women. In fact, women were often shamed or accused of having sexual relationships with their friends simply because men couldn’t understand how women could be intimately close without involving sex. I remember my own mother not wanting to hold my hand while shopping in the mall because she was embarrassed that people were looking.
Society kept trying to tell us as girls growing up that it was more important to seek a romantic relationship with a boy and hope for marriage than to nurture our women’s friendships. Coming from a broken family with both parents having multiple marriages and divorces, I swore at an early age that I wouldn’t get married until I was at least 30 years old and that I was keeping my maiden name too. Both of which came true, btw. Even so, I regret that I let some of my gal friendships fade because I didn’t think I had room for them in my married life.
Friendship Looks Different After 40 and 50
Friendship after 40 and 50 looks different from what it did in your 20s and 30s. The fast pace of life, moves for work or family, parenting, caring for aging parents, and big career changes all reshape how and when women get together. Mental and emotional loads that women often carry, like keeping households running, smoothing over conflicts, and juggling invisible tasks, add more layers. Plus, many women were taught from a young age to put their own needs aside, keep quiet, and find self-worth in marriage or motherhood, often leaving female friendships undernourished.
These patterns take a real toll on both body and mind. Chronic over-responsibility and suppressing emotions can sap your energy and have been linked to autoimmune disorders, chronic inflammation, increased depression risk, and burnout. Your body truly feels the impact of never getting a break from these pressures.
However, midlife also brings new chances to prioritize authentic, honest friendships. As priorities switch up, women often find themselves seeking ties that are emotionally honest and supportive. This phase of life calls for more substance, valuing the kind of comfort and understanding that only long-standing or deeply empathetic friends can provide.
What Makes Galentine Friendships Unique?
Linguist Deborah Tannen’s research on gendered communication patterns offers insight into why female friendships often feel different. Tannen found that women tend to use language to build connections and maintain relational closeness. Conversations are often collaborative rather than hierarchical. Women use more inclusive phrasing, emotional mirroring, and shared storytelling to signal empathy and mutual understanding.
In contrast, cross-gender communication can sometimes operate from different conversational goals, such as status, problem-solving, or independence. While neither style is inherently better, women speaking with other women often experience a deeper sense of being heard and understood without needing to translate emotional nuance.
There’s a quality to women’s friendships that feels special, especially after years of living and learning. Close friendships with women can mean:
- Mutual emotional understanding: Conversations don’t need constant explanation; you can share hard stuff without holding back.
- Shared lived experience: You talk about work, health, family, or aging with a kind of shorthand, because you’re already on the same page.
- Space to speak freely: Discussions are not about competition or keeping score, but about listening and being real.
- Less pressure to perform: You can show up as yourself and count on empathy and genuine encouragement.
Studies on same-gender friendships say the same thing; women tend to share more emotionally, listen more deeply, and have relationships centered on support rather than performance or competition. Romantic partnerships are powerful in their own right, but supportive friendships with other women offer unique comfort and affirmation you simply can’t get elsewhere.
Why Cultural Messages About Friendship Can Be Harmful
In many cultures, there’s a subtle message that romantic partnership should be every woman’s end goal, pushing female friendships down the priority list. Media often showcases weddings and marriages as the main events, and women can feel judged if they put friends before romantic partners. Yet, if you look further back in history, women’s circles, community childcare, and communal support were essential for thriving and survival. We must fight to protect those bonds, with isolation becoming a modern-day struggle. Women’s community care has roots much deeper than pop-culture suggests.
Making Galentine’s Day After 40 Special: Ideas and Advice
- Plan a cozy get together: It doesn’t have to be a large gathering; time together is what really matters. Simple snacks, favorite music, and a comfortable setting can make it feel truly special.
- Share the spotlight: Swap stories, display old photos, or do a round of “where were we ten years ago.”
- Create something together: Whether it’s cooking, crafting, or building a playlist, hands-on activities can strengthen bonds.
- Check in emotionally: Open-ended questions like, “What have you been excited about lately?” or “What’s been tricky for you?” make space for deeper connection.
- Keep it regular: Make the commitment to meet again—monthly, seasonally, or whenever feels right—so support remains steady.
For anyone with a busy schedule or friends living far away, a virtual meet-up or check-in can keep friendships alive. Sending a favorite book, voice memo, or package can be thoughtful ways to reach out and maintain closeness, no matter the circumstances.
Managing Hurdles to Friendship in Midlife
Keeping close ties with friends past 40 does come with challenges. Busy schedules, families to care for, physical distance, and old wounds may all get in the way. The trick is to be honest, acknowledge any bumps out loud, and look for simple ways; like a quick text, a shared photo, or a scheduled monthly reunion, to rebuild momentum. More often than not, friendships can revive with one genuine conversation about how much you value them, even if it’s been a while.
It’s also normal for friendship needs to change. Sometimes, you may crave deeper talks and, other times, just want lighthearted fun. Being open about your needs and listening to what your friends want builds stronger, sustainable connections.
Honoring Friendship’s Small Moments
Big gestures aren’t what make friendships shine. Often, the most memorable moments come from shared laughter that lingers, inside jokes, or unfiltered talks while sharing leftovers. These small interactions provide comfort, joy, and powerful reminders of why friendship carries so much weight, especially during life’s transitions or rough patches.
Frequently Asked Questions about Why Galentine’s Day Matters After 40
Question: Is it okay to prioritize my friendships even if I’m busy with family or work?
Answer: Absolutely. Taking time for friends actually lets you show up more present and rested in other parts of your life. Think of it less as “adding” another task and more as a well-deserved recharge—which benefits everyone, including you.
Question: What if my friend group has drifted?
Answer: Friend groups often go through phases, and drifting is natural. Most people really appreciate honest messages. Try a direct reach out, even if it’s been ages. Sometimes, a simple “I’ve been thinking about you” gets things rolling again.
Question: How do you make new friends over 40?
Answer: Look for shared interest groups—like book clubs, fitness classes, or volunteering. Local community centers or online forums can also be great spots to meet genuine people. Take your time; even casual chats or follow-up messages can spark real connection.
Question: Is it normal for my needs in friendship to change as I get older?
Answer: Completely normal. What once felt supportive may shift over time, and that’s healthy. Embrace your evolving needs; deeper or different types of connection are a sign of personal growth and experience.
Celebrating Connection and Joy—Not Just on Galentine’s Day
Reaching your 40s and beyond is a milestone, an invitation to check in with what feels right for you. Real friendship isn’t something left in your younger years; if anything, it’s value grows over time. Laughter, shared stories, and spaces where you can fully be yourself are powerful tools for lowering stress, building resilience, and reminding you that you’re not alone. In a world where women are sometimes told to step aside or hold back, showing up for each other is a profoundly joyful, empowering choice—one worth celebrating all year round.
Holding the Line,
Tammy
Want to learn more about reshaping your stress response? Watch Kelly McGonigal’s TED Talk on “How to Make Stress Your Friend.” And for additional strategies on shifting your mindset, check out my blog post on Rewiring Your Brain and Lifting Your Mindset and Managing Your Stress With Movement
